[Private]

Neville proposed.  Actually, really, proposed.

I should have more to say, but I really don't.  I still can't believe it. 

I'm getting married.

[Private]
So this is a big step.  I think I'm ready.  I know I'm excited, whatever that counts for.  But nervous as well.  Now Neville's going to see me all the time.  He'll know that I sleep in shorts that mum knit for me, and that when I get home from work I always have a bite of mint ice cream from the carton in the freezer.  Or that I sing in the shower.

Oh god, he's going to hate me! 

I need to throw those shorts away.
[/Private]

Shacklebolt for Minister?  Brilliant.  Glad to see all that trouble amounted to something.

My mum sent me an owl today.  Just a regular letter, but also a package of seeds - daisies.  She knew that my whole life I always wanted to have a window box with daisies in it.  And now I do.  Well, I have a window box, at least - here at my flat.  [How incredible does that look?  "My flat."]  I'll just need to pick up soil after work tomorrow and then figure out how to plant these flowers so they won't die.  [There are a lot of little diagrams on the package of seeds, but really, they might as well be in Russian for as much as I understand them.]

Mum said that Ron was well, but I haven't seen him since I moved out.  Which is weird, really.  That I miss him.

I've got homework to do - and a caramel espresso to finish.

I've finally done it. 

The job I've had - the muggle job, for the Muggle Relations program at University - has been amazing.  More challenging then I ever expected, but with an unexpected bonus:  I've earned enough money to have my own flat.  I have to say that I'm more than a little bit proud - I didn't think that this would happen anytime soon.

Now it's just a matter of where.  As much as I think I'd like to live in Hogsmeade, I really think that it would be more practical to live in London.  After all, I'm in London every day as it is - I'm only in Hogsmeade when I have class.  [Or when I visit Neville, but that's a separate point, I think.]

The only problem with finding a place in London - or rather, Muggle London - is that I probably won't be on the Floo Network.  I mean, I could apply - but I've heard a lot of people say that the department is very choosy about adding fireplaces in muggle areas since the war.  More paranoia, I suppose.  Though I don't know anyone who would come visit me who doesn't have a wand to apparate, so I guess I'm just making excuses.

It is a bit scary daunting to think that this will be the first time I've lived on my own.  There was Hogwarts, America with Corey, Hogsmeade with Padma and then Ron, and then home again... 

I wonder if I'll get lonely?

[Private]

I haven't had dreams like this since first year. I wake up and I can still feel the blood on my hands. That sensation of death - a sinking feeling in my stomach - stays no matter how many times I scourgify my hands.

[/Private]

I think I'm getting sick. I need a dreamless sleep potion.

I'm enrolling in the Muggle Studies program at University, and really looking forward to it as well. McGonagall gave me the syllubus today - one of my classes requires that I get a job as a muggle.

I don't even know where to start. I mean, the jobs I've had before weren't magical, necessarily, but I always used magic. When I'm at my new job I'm not supposed to use magic "unless [my] life is in immediate danger." This will be a challenge, if nothing else.

(It will be almost nice, though, to be out of the Burrow every day. I'm more than a bit stir-crazy now. Living with Ron was... well, different, but at least I could do what I wanted. Sigh.)

So I suppose I should go to London. That would be the easiest place to find a job, right? And I'm allowed to apparate to Diagon Alley, at least. Anyone want to come with me? I didn't think so.

( letter from a friend - sent via normal post )

One of my friends from America (I lived there during the war) is getting married. She just wrote me, asking if I'd come and be a bridesmaid in her wedding. It was quite a surprise, but I'm definately going to go. Just for a week or two, I think, so I'll be back in time for Christmas. It will be nice to see everyone again.

(Well, not counting my ex, of course. Granted, the last time I saw him he had me thrown in jail... I can't imagine anyone would be looking forward to that reunion.)

The friends I'm going to see - they're all muggles. I mean, I don't care, but I'm wondering if my ex told them about me - that was why he had me locked up, after all. For "attacking" him. (With a cleaning charm.)
In her letter, Jocelyn mentioned flying, so I don't think they know. But I think I should tell them. Things are better now, right?

Still need to do Christmas shopping, and I'm still stuck for most people. Any hints? Anyone?

[Private]

That bloody stupid girl! I can't believe her! I understand being upset over Ron, but she barely even knew him! And now she's, what, curled up in her apartment like some sort of invalid? If Ron was really dead, sure, I'd be upset - but I stand by what I said. We can't all just drop our entire lives because we lost someone!

All of this lying, and people holding back their emotions, and blocking me out. No one's said a bloody word to me about Ron except the obligitory "I'm sorry"s. They've got to mourn, yes, I understand that. But do it without being so bloody fucking miserable! Remember the good things.

I just want to scream.

[/]

I finally got out of the house yesterday, which was... much-needed. Not that I don't love my parents, but... Well, as you can probably imagine, the atmosphere at the Burrow is a bit somber lately. Stifling.

Spent the night with Spent time with Neville, which was wonderful, incredible, amazing, fabulous, lovely, as per usual.

I saw... someone else, too, but I don't really want to talk about that.

So! Christmas will be here soon. What does everyone want?

Who would send The Subverse pages from Ron's diary? I didn't even know he'd had one. And now I read this - that the Ministry didn't even care about him...

This is not getting any easier.

[Private]

I'd forgotten that Ron would be writing in to The Subverse. It was odd to see that this morning... I hope mum and dad don't know about that paper, though. I don't know that they'd want to see something like that.

If you haven't seen today's Daily Prophet, well...

Today I...  Lost a brother, yelled at my best friend, and cried more than I have in a long time.

I've definately had better days.

[Private]

I didn't expect this to effect me as much as it has.  I've never felt so guilty.  I've lied to the people I love most.  I don't know what worse I could do.

[/]

[Ron, Lee, Susan]

Ron, you really should go home and see mum and dad before Wednesday.  Just... well, you know.

Otherwise - where and when are we meeting, Wednesday?

[/]

I visited the Burrow this afternoon, and I haven't been able to keep myself grounded since.  Angie, where are you?  I think I need some sense knocked into me.

[Lee, Ron]

You both realize that this plan is crazy, right?  I mean, it will work, I think, but it's bloody crazy.

[/]

Days like this and I think I know why people drink.  With luck I can stick to Angelina's chocolate cake instead.

Rome is amazing.  The buildings are all so beautiful, and it seems like every road is lined with cobblestones.  And who said that Paris was the city of love?

Speaking of, Angelina and I have been quite the sidewalk café bums.  The waiters know our names now.  They're all very charming.

That's all now, because Angie is dragging me off this net café computer.  Something about another pair of shoes she will simply die without...

Gone to Rome.

[Public]
Ron stopped by this afternoon, really upset.  He asked if I could come stay with him for a while...  Of course I said yes.  I don't know what's wrong, but it must be something serious.  Hopefully it will all work out okay.


[Locked from Tes]
Actually, that's not what happened.  I just don't want Tes to know why I've really moved out.

I've just been very, very uncomfortable at the flat with her.  Mostly because of things she's said...  It worries me, and scares me more than that.

So I'm back to living with family.  It should be okay, I think.

Ron's flat is 76 Altura Street, here in Hogsmeade.  Feel free to stop by or floo.

(For having such a simple life, things certainly seem to be able to fall apart easily.)


[Private]
Ron's in some sort of trouble, I don't know what.  I haven't seen him this upset or bothered in a long time...  I'm not sure what to do. 

[locked from Tes, and other ex-Slytherins and ex-Death Eaters who might tell Tes]

I wonder if I have enough money to live on my own?

I'd almost forgotten about trick-or-treat'ers, until about 30 minutes before the first one showed up here, tonight.  Fortunately I was able to scrounge up some sweets to give out, though toward the end I think that most of the kids got fruit or tea bags.  (The weird exotic kinds that Padma left here - not, of course, the wonderful, amazing, gift-of-the-gods tea that Neville grows and gave me.)  Ah well, if they all don't appreciate tea yet, then at least their parents will get something out of the holiday.

I didn't dress up tonight, though I wish I had.  I love to do that - wear something fun, wear makeup to make myself pretty... I just never seem to have an excuse to, and I missed this one.  Well, next time, I suppose.

It's a shame, I think, that my parents' house is so far away from towns.  I think my father might really like this holiday.  He's such a kid at heart sometimes, anyway. 

---

On another note:
Why does it seem like I never see anyone anymore?  I mean, now that I'm done with my Potions work, most of my school things are done for the semester, so I really should get out more, I think.  Ideas?  Anyone?

I turned in my Potions final.  I was terrified going in to present it to Professor Snape, but he seemed... well, impressed.  With the potion.  He gave me full marks.

...Let me just look at that for a moment.  Full marks.  On a potions assignment.  A university-level potions assignment.

I still can't believe it.  I mean, yes I worked harder on this one assignment than I probably did in the last year at school, but still.  He even told me that I should contact a patent office.  That I'd "preempted an energy crisis."

Other news? 

I visited mum and papa last weekend, and it was surprisingly nice.  They kept saying how I'd grown so much.  I don't see it, really - but mum seemed really sad about it.  I guess because I'm her youngest and all.  She tried to convince me to move back to the Burrow, though.  I - very carefully - got out of that one.

...I can't stay still.  I need to go out, do something, somewhere, anything.  And soon.  I have far too much energy to be stuck in this flat alone all day.

[private]

And speaking of the flat...  I haven't seen my roommate in weeks.  I think she has another new beau, or something else...  But she never even leaves notes or anything telling me where she's going to be anymore.  It's odd.  I feel a bit uncomfortable, just because it's as if she's become a stranger. 

[/]


Apparently Charlie's birthday is soon?  We need to do something... Ron mentioned going out and getting drunk.  Men!  Sigh.

I can't  complain about the whole gender, though...

[private - accidentally left unlocked to the Weasleys]

Love.  Love, love, love.  Neville said he loves me.  I just... it's the most amazing feeling.  Better than the other guys I thought I liked before.  This seems so much more... real.  I love it - the feeling, and, well, him.

[Locked from all Weasleys]

I suppose I don't have good luck with relationships.  I'm sure Ron would agree with me - he usually takes up the cause to beat up my ex-boyfriends when they dump me.  And it's happened twice as many times as I'd have liked it to...

Michael Corner dumped me for Cho Chang - what was she, two years older than him?  I shouldn't still be bitter over that, but it did hurt a lot at the time.  The worst, though, was the American guy I dated, Cory.  I should have known better than to date a Muggle...  He had me arrested for using magic.  Needless to say I never talked to him again.

So there is a point to the romantic-life-in-review, here...  Neville stood me up.  We were supposed to have a date last night, and I haven't heard from him in three days.  Part of me wants to go bang down his door... but the other part just wants to cry.  Angelina said that he wouldn't have done that without a really good reason - but if that's true, why have I still not heard from him?

So what is it, I have bad judgement with guys?  I don't think so...  Something wrong with me is the only other conclusion, though, and that's not much better.


( ooc )