[Private]

Neville proposed.  Actually, really, proposed.

I should have more to say, but I really don't.  I still can't believe it. 

I'm getting married.

[Private]
So this is a big step.  I think I'm ready.  I know I'm excited, whatever that counts for.  But nervous as well.  Now Neville's going to see me all the time.  He'll know that I sleep in shorts that mum knit for me, and that when I get home from work I always have a bite of mint ice cream from the carton in the freezer.  Or that I sing in the shower.

Oh god, he's going to hate me! 

I need to throw those shorts away.
[/Private]

Shacklebolt for Minister?  Brilliant.  Glad to see all that trouble amounted to something.

My mum sent me an owl today.  Just a regular letter, but also a package of seeds - daisies.  She knew that my whole life I always wanted to have a window box with daisies in it.  And now I do.  Well, I have a window box, at least - here at my flat.  [How incredible does that look?  "My flat."]  I'll just need to pick up soil after work tomorrow and then figure out how to plant these flowers so they won't die.  [There are a lot of little diagrams on the package of seeds, but really, they might as well be in Russian for as much as I understand them.]

Mum said that Ron was well, but I haven't seen him since I moved out.  Which is weird, really.  That I miss him.

I've got homework to do - and a caramel espresso to finish.

I've finally done it. 

The job I've had - the muggle job, for the Muggle Relations program at University - has been amazing.  More challenging then I ever expected, but with an unexpected bonus:  I've earned enough money to have my own flat.  I have to say that I'm more than a little bit proud - I didn't think that this would happen anytime soon.

Now it's just a matter of where.  As much as I think I'd like to live in Hogsmeade, I really think that it would be more practical to live in London.  After all, I'm in London every day as it is - I'm only in Hogsmeade when I have class.  [Or when I visit Neville, but that's a separate point, I think.]

The only problem with finding a place in London - or rather, Muggle London - is that I probably won't be on the Floo Network.  I mean, I could apply - but I've heard a lot of people say that the department is very choosy about adding fireplaces in muggle areas since the war.  More paranoia, I suppose.  Though I don't know anyone who would come visit me who doesn't have a wand to apparate, so I guess I'm just making excuses.

It is a bit scary daunting to think that this will be the first time I've lived on my own.  There was Hogwarts, America with Corey, Hogsmeade with Padma and then Ron, and then home again... 

I wonder if I'll get lonely?

[Private]

I haven't had dreams like this since first year. I wake up and I can still feel the blood on my hands. That sensation of death - a sinking feeling in my stomach - stays no matter how many times I scourgify my hands.

[/Private]

I think I'm getting sick. I need a dreamless sleep potion.

I'm enrolling in the Muggle Studies program at University, and really looking forward to it as well. McGonagall gave me the syllubus today - one of my classes requires that I get a job as a muggle.

I don't even know where to start. I mean, the jobs I've had before weren't magical, necessarily, but I always used magic. When I'm at my new job I'm not supposed to use magic "unless [my] life is in immediate danger." This will be a challenge, if nothing else.

(It will be almost nice, though, to be out of the Burrow every day. I'm more than a bit stir-crazy now. Living with Ron was... well, different, but at least I could do what I wanted. Sigh.)

So I suppose I should go to London. That would be the easiest place to find a job, right? And I'm allowed to apparate to Diagon Alley, at least. Anyone want to come with me? I didn't think so.

( letter from a friend - sent via normal post )

One of my friends from America (I lived there during the war) is getting married. She just wrote me, asking if I'd come and be a bridesmaid in her wedding. It was quite a surprise, but I'm definately going to go. Just for a week or two, I think, so I'll be back in time for Christmas. It will be nice to see everyone again.

(Well, not counting my ex, of course. Granted, the last time I saw him he had me thrown in jail... I can't imagine anyone would be looking forward to that reunion.)

The friends I'm going to see - they're all muggles. I mean, I don't care, but I'm wondering if my ex told them about me - that was why he had me locked up, after all. For "attacking" him. (With a cleaning charm.)
In her letter, Jocelyn mentioned flying, so I don't think they know. But I think I should tell them. Things are better now, right?

Still need to do Christmas shopping, and I'm still stuck for most people. Any hints? Anyone?

[Private]

That bloody stupid girl! I can't believe her! I understand being upset over Ron, but she barely even knew him! And now she's, what, curled up in her apartment like some sort of invalid? If Ron was really dead, sure, I'd be upset - but I stand by what I said. We can't all just drop our entire lives because we lost someone!

All of this lying, and people holding back their emotions, and blocking me out. No one's said a bloody word to me about Ron except the obligitory "I'm sorry"s. They've got to mourn, yes, I understand that. But do it without being so bloody fucking miserable! Remember the good things.

I just want to scream.

[/]

I finally got out of the house yesterday, which was... much-needed. Not that I don't love my parents, but... Well, as you can probably imagine, the atmosphere at the Burrow is a bit somber lately. Stifling.

Spent the night with Spent time with Neville, which was wonderful, incredible, amazing, fabulous, lovely, as per usual.

I saw... someone else, too, but I don't really want to talk about that.

So! Christmas will be here soon. What does everyone want?

Who would send The Subverse pages from Ron's diary? I didn't even know he'd had one. And now I read this - that the Ministry didn't even care about him...

This is not getting any easier.

[Private]

I'd forgotten that Ron would be writing in to The Subverse. It was odd to see that this morning... I hope mum and dad don't know about that paper, though. I don't know that they'd want to see something like that.